You Bet Your Life It Is
by darkcherry
Summary: Just when you think things can't get any better, they do. Then this story comes along and throws that out the window. R&R!
1. Heaving

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Hello our devoted readers:

This is darkcherry. But actually it's both of us. We decided to collaborate on a One Shot for you. We hope it's super good, and you guys enjoy it; we put a lot of effort into it. It's the most serious story of them all, so don't laugh. Please be kind enough to Review this at the end. Thanks.

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It was the perfect day in Perfect Land causing the authors to write horrible clichés about the weather. The sun was so bright that it fried all little squirrelies in sight. The wind blew viciously, sending all the squirrelly ashes into people's eyes.

One such a person screamed: "Ah! My most perfectly beautiful green eyes that everyone looks into for hours and falls in love with! Noo! How shall I live when I'm temporarily blinded?!"

Then, a handsome, hot, well muscled, incredibly athletic, perfectly polite, caring, honest, intelligent, witty, young man, which just _happened_ to be Syaoran came waltzing and prancing down the street like a little schoolgirl, singing beautifully.

"I like squirrels, squirrels are so nice! Nice like mice. Which are related to squirrels. In some remote way," he sang as he pranced, inconsequentially running Sakura over as she writhed in temporarily blindness and pain on the ground.

"Oh, dear lady! I am so sorry. Are you alright?" he asked with so much concern God decided to kill some kittens.

"No!" she cried. "I am temporarily blinded. Woe is me, be extremely nice."

"Oh," he said, "let me take you to my house where we will obviously end up in my bed where we will have hot, hot sex because this is the right way of things."

"No!" she screamed. "No taking advantage of my temporary blindness."

"Oh, please," he gasped and looked wounded. So wounded that God killed some puppies.

"Okay." She was happy. They pranced home, Sakura tripping over some dead kittens in her blindness.

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**** At Syaoran's ****

"I will now tuck you into my bed," Syaoran said. "Tuck, tuck, tuck."

Sakura giggled. Suddenly, he tripped over his own feet and fell onto his bed, unintentionally burying his face in Sakura's boobs.

"Oh, you are in my boobs. Please remove your face."

He wiggled, but did not comply. Suddenly, his pants flew off, which could only be caused by something very large enlarging. And that's all we'll say about that. The main character is always "large" but this is actually a big lie to fool us all into thinking that he is cool. Lies, all lies.

"Oh my," he said, "my pants are off. What shall I do? I am cold, let me in the bed."

"No!" she wailed. "Not in my bed which is actually yours!"

"Oh, please," he gasped and looked wounded. So wounded that God killed some fluffy bunnies.

"Okay." She was happy. He pranced into the bed, brushing his fingers where fingers should never go.

He turned over and was met with her eyes looking back at him and in that moment he knew that they were meant for each other and that he loved her because he could see it in her wondrous eyes that showed all of her emotions so he also knew she loved him back and that they would be happy until the end of their days, which would not be for a long time since they were young, blind, and beautiful.

"You are so beautiful. You are beautiful," he said in awe. And what else would he call her since her lips were perfectly puckered and coloured, her hair was perfectly combed, her figure was perfectly curvaceous, and her bosom was giganto. Thus, why Syaoran had been stuck.

"You make me want to cry with your handsomness, because you are so handsome," she said in awe.

Then God said, "Why is no one awed with me? I think I shall kill some little fishes." And He did. With a spear.

Back on earth, in Perfect Land, they were soooooo enthralled with each other that they began to kiss passionately. Their tongues jabbed at each other and danced perfectly. His fingers touched her boobies. So she grabbed his wanker. He screamed like Michael Jackson in pleasure.

"You have my weewee!" he yelled, all hot and heavy.

"Naturally," she heaved heavingly.

"I love you," he said in the throws of passion.

"Oh, I do too," she cried and heaved, almost off the bed. She slipped. He fell. And they continued on the floor happily. They were so in love with each other that they never even noticed.

Then, they were done.

"I don't love you," he suddenly uttered.

"What?" she gasped, aghast.

"I don't love you, are deaf as well as blind?" he yelled, trying to hide his inner pain and failing greatly.

"Why not?" she asked him.

"I have inner pain caused by a horrible childhood," he screamed.

"Uunngghh. Tell me, please!"

"No," he said! And the authors put an exclamation point. He could not tell her because he could not. 

"Oh, please," she said again.

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes."

"Okay," he said. "It all happened when I was little. I was hated by my parents because they hated me. All my siblings spit on me and it was gross, especially when it went in my mouth."

Sakura heaved, because it indeed was.

"And then," he continued, almost crying now because it was so emotional for him, "everyone made fun of me because I was fat, and they rolled me down the hill, and I had to train long and hard and build muscles which is why I am so hot now. And then they made me do math all day and I had no friends." 

Sakura heaved because she just realized how hot he was. Though she had noticed it before, but not as much as in that moment when he was crying like a schoolgirl.

"Oh, I have so much sympathy for you!" she sympathized. They hugged and the world righted itself. Then Sakura beautifully got up and wandered beautifully over to the beautiful mirror to admire her beautiful face beautifully. "I resemble a twig!" she huffed beautifully.

"You are beautiful to me," said Syaoran.

"Oh, how I love you," she panted. Like all the puppies God had killed. Which were many. At the same time.

Eriol walked in the door. He noticed their intimate embrace and was angered. He wanted Sakura! They had been having an affair! "Get off my girl!" he raged, enraged.

"Oh, Eriol!" Sakura cried. "Let's have a threesome!"

God was mad. Homosexuality was prohibited. He killed some little defenseless baby birds to punish Sakura. One fell through the window and hit her in the face.

"Eeeeeew!" she shrieked. "Comfort me!"

"Alright." They both jumped on her. And proceeded to have a threesome. God was angered. He sent a lightning bolt from heaven and smote them. They died.

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To be continued... this story will actually have several chapters. Um, please Review this and tell us what you think, we worked hard! See ya soon!!


	2. Seven Nation Army

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We're back! How come you aren't Reviewing?! REVIEW! After you read. Anyways, for this chapter, you need SEVEN NATION ARMY by THE WHITE STRIPES. It is so awesome. Awesomely awesome. And now, you read. If possible, this chapter is more serious than the last one.

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There were two girls laying outside a room. Inside said room were the three dead people: Syaoran, Sakura, and Eriol. So obviously, they're all in Syaoran's house where they had previously been smote. The two wonderfully beautiful girls, who were outside the bedroom, started kicking the door with amazing rhythm. Then, one started singing, "Dun dun dun dun dun dun dun." And like everything else in the universe, it eventually turned into The White Stripes, Seven Nation Army song.

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I'm gonna fight 'em off

A seven nation army couldn't hold me back

They're gonna rip it off

Taking their time right behind my back

The two girls barged into the room. A Seven Nation Army could not hold them back. "Sixty-two!" one yelled. "We will bring you back to life with our amazing goddess powers."

"I can do it," the other offered, "I can do it _nine_ times!"

So, they did. Nine times. Suddenly, a Seven Nation Army stomped angrily outside the house. Eriol and Syaoran were miraculously brought back to life with a bright light. And Amazing Grace.

Suddenly, Sakura's dead form shrieked: "BRING ME TO LIFE! Wake me up inside, wake me up inside, call my name and save me from the dark."

"Oh, sorry," Eriol said and turned on the light.

At that moment, after muchos stomping, the Seven Nation Army finally made their way into the house and up the stairs. The goddesses had previously disappeared from the room after their resurrecting resurrection. Erection. Hah. Then Eriol disappeared because there was no room for him in the plot. A Seven Nation Army could not stop the authoresses.

When Syaoran saw the Seven Nation Army he yelled, "Not Gonna Get Us!" Sakura and Syraoran then proceeded to prance out of the room away from the Seven Nation Army that was then noticed to be made of monkeys wearing armour. Which was bright pink. With tasteful hints of purple. And maybe a bit of green. It was very becoming for the monkeys.

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And I'm talking to myself at night because I can't forget

Back and forth through my mind behind a cigarette

And the message coming from my eyes says, 'leave it alone'

As they pranced out of the house, the high pitched screeching of the monkeys fading in the background, Sakura tripped. Syraoran helped her up saying, "Hey Ho, Let's Go!"

"I Wanna Be Sedated," Sakura replied.

"Oh, you have so much pain hiding Behind Blue Eyes," he said passionately. So passionately God killed some monkeys. Then He realized that He had killed the Seven Nation Army and was so angered he brought them back to life and killed some chihuahuas (hairless, to be exact) instead.

While God was ranting, Sakura's voice could be heard faintly from earth saying, "But I have green eyes!"

But back to the story, a blonde bombshell came waltzing past them holding the hand of a small child. The little girl ran up, having a crush on Syaoran.

"Hi, I'm Stacy!" she chirped. Like the dead birds that chirped no more. No, no more.

"Stacy's Mom Has Got It Going On," Syaoran whispered, wide eyed, his eyes still glued to the blonde woman. He then proceeded to mow her lawn. It was green. With tasteful hints of purple. And maybe a bit of bright pink. It was very becoming for the house. Which resembled a refrigerator box. Maybe because it was. Because Stacy and her Mom were actually hobos. And neither of them had it "going on." Syaoran was just confused because he had been sedated by the Seven Nation Army..... while nobody was looking.

Sakura was secretly jealous of Stacy's Mom because she was so hot, but not, in fact, it is getting kind of Hot In Herre, with two R's of course, you horse, which would neigh and has not been smote by God yet because he was feeling particularly particular to horses, because they resembled unicorns... without the horns, which are now connected to bulls or bull frogs but not horned owls, they are just horny.

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Don't wanna hear about it

Every single one's got a story to tell

Everyone knows about it

From the Queen of England to the hounds of Hell

"We're Not Gonna Take It," Sakura screamed, really referring only to herself. But she has "problems" so it's okay.

Then, Stacy's Mom sauntered over to Syaoran and purred, "My name is Gong Bada. I like basketball. Very, very..." These, of course, were the magic words which summoned the Seven Nation Army. The monkeys appeared quickly in all their screeching glory.

"Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" they eeeeeeeeed eeeeeingly.

Sakura, not actually half as stupid as she looked, realized that those were indeed the magic words to summon the monkeys and quickly memorized them. She grabbed Syaoran's hand from the seducing words of the blonde woman and RAN. In capitols. But they did not run from the monkeys, they pranced.

God was sick of all the prancing and decided to kill the horses which he had originally favoured, because they looked like unicorns. Now He thought they resembled horny owls. Which they did. To an extent. You know, all the feathers... and beaks... and hooves?

Through all the prancing and killing, the oliphants came from the Deep Forest and started towards the running couple. They stampa stampa stampa-ed on helpless civilians. Oops, buh bye Stacy. But Stacy's Mom was still on the loose, and chasing them. Unswiftly. Suddenly she tripped and, stampa stampa stampa, she was dead.

"If only we had some monkeys!" Syaoran shrieked, completely forgetting his horrific encounters with the Seven Nation Army.

"If only I knew some secret words about basketball to call some monkeys!" Sakura shrieked back. Spit landed on her lover and he cringed, reminded of his terrible childhood, and cowered on the ground, mumbling, "Say it, don't spray it," and odd things about tall hills. And plump little boys. Michael Jackson sure likes them.

The oliphants were about to stampa stampa stampa on Syaoran's head when suddenly the words sprung to Sakura's mind.

"Alika-basketball!" she cried. Crickets chirped. "Basketball-kazzam?" She tried again. As the large foot came down in slow motion on Syaoran's unsuspecting, cowering head, Sakura yelled random words in her haste to save her parachute.... I mean her lover:

"Basketball sesame!"

"Open basketball!"

"Monkeys, come to my aid!"

"Chirpity chirp chirp!"

"Oops... I Did It Again!"

"EEEEEEEEKKKK!!!!"

"Ding Dong, The Witch Is Dead??!"

(Remember kiddies, slow motion is sloooooooooowww.) 

Finally, after an hour of cowering, stampa stampa stampa-ing, and random shrieking (remember, slooooooooooowww) the magical words flew to her mind... like dead birds. Which don't fly, so they were thrown at her. Through one ear and out the other.

"My name is Gong Bada!!! I like baseball -- I mean basketball. Very, very..." 

There was a faint "Dun dun dun dun dun dun dun," and the light pitter-patter of monkey feet. And the noiseless sound of their armour clanging loudly.

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And if I catch it coming back my way  
I'm gonna serve it to you  
And that ain't what you want to hear,  
But that's what I'll do  


The Seven Nation Army appeared with a pee-your-pants ferocity only monkeys can bring. It was terrifying. Obliging, the oliphants peed their pants.

The monkeys ATTACKED!!!! WITH SEVERAL EXCLAMATION MARKS AND LOTS OF CAPITALS!!!! 

And the Seven Nation Army _could _hold the oliphants back. Go monkeys, go. w00t!

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TO BE CONTINUED!!! WITH CAPITALS, BOLD LETTERS, AND _ITALICS_!

This sorry story will be updated when we are bored... which is often. And remember this is SERIOUS!! And you know the goddesses at the beginning... that was us... And we actually did stomp the Seven Nation Army on the door to annoy my brother. It was fun. Tune in next time, same bat time, same bat place.

~How many songs are mentioned in this chapter? Anyone know?~


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